If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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