Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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