I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
