i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
