I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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