I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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