I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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