im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
