like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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