I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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