Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
