I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
our cab driver is having phone sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
