woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
