Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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