i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
MIDGETS
????
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
