i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
