did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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