Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
