I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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