not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
