so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
