The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
