My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
