He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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