guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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