I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
