I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
