Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
