Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
