If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
