Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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