So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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