You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
