I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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