i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
