ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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