New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
