Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
