he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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