i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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