I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
