I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
