Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
