I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
