Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize