it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize