i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
