You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
