this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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