I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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