I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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