if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
