normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
