feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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