I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
