i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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