i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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