I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
