I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
