He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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