Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
