My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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