This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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