He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Say something about gay babies.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had sex on a roof
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize