Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
