all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
