Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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