i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
