No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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