just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
