Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
