doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize