I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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