can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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