Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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