Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
