Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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