Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
