i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
