If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
