I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
