Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
