I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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