Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
