I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
