I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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