Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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